Thursday, December 27, 2007

im freezing!

it is so cold in my house. my mom always secretly turns the heat down without anyone seeing and then it slowly drops the temperature and you dont even notice until you look down at your arm and see mad goosebumps and you get a rush of coldness through your body and look around for the nearest sweatshirt but is there ever one there? NO. all of the beds at my house have become very uncomfortable. and ive become an insomniac. its impossible for me to fall asleep before 4am. my brother is watching some skateboarding contest on tv and all the guys are so hot. anyways, also eating has become to tedious. just the whole act of thinking of what i want, then getting it, then the time it takes to consume it, and then the time to let it sit in my stomach........ its just so annoying. food just always gets really unattractive to me every few months. i dont know what it is, but it lasts for a few days and then im back in my place in line at the mcdonalds drive through. just a small hiatus. ahhhh im so cold. well im going to miami on saturday. im so excited! i feel like im going for such a short time though :( i just got my nails done today with my mom. manicure and pedicure. they're red. my nails chip really quickly though, usually after one day. but when its all perfect the first day its the best. greg lutzka is cool because he skates in fedoras. its like 2 am and i dont see myself falling asleep anytime in the future and im not sure what to do. i wish i had ambien. maybe i should drink a glass of wine. although i dont really feel like it. tonight i went over to some guys house and was hanging out and these other kids who were there left and then he got really weird and creepy. and kept making weird eye contact with me for long periods of time while smiling and then told me i looked "scrumptious" which really killed it for me at that point, and i was beyond terrified when he walked towards me and unzipped my jacket and tried to proceed to make a move from there... but it was immediately stopped as i backed up and turned to the good old, "wellllllllll im tireeeeeeeeeeeed im going to go" and then he was so annoying and like "lets go inside and watch a movie!" and i was like "uhhh im realy tired..." and then i beat it! safe and sound. never going over there again. i love andy dick. but he does a lotta drugs.
signing off for the night.
-

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

disfunktional xmas

this xmas has been so disfunktional. last night on xmas eve, my family ate without me. i was out shopping and said id be back in 15 minutes and they ate anyways.
then today, all anyone did was aruge, while we were opening presents, and asking for recipts to exchange the gifts for $. all of the presents my mom gave we regifts of things she got for free. then my mom said shes worried to sleep @ night because she thinks my brother is going to kill her.
merry xmas ya filthy animal

Thursday, November 1, 2007

jackie turk

"im going at 1130 to break into the cpmputer building and steeel a pong table with a black stocking on my head"

i hate "friends"

i hate the show "friends" so much! it is the worst show ever. its so annoying and all of the characters are so gay. story lines are based on "poking a naked neighbor with a stick" and sitting around a lame coffee house playing spin the bottle with "gunther"
it also sucks because it follows seinfeld, and who can compete with following up such an amazing show.
the tila tequila show is dumb too. people just watch it because shes hot but none of the contestants are intriguing or interesting.they're losers too.
im so tired from hallloween last night i cant move from bed and its 3:15pm. i was so hungry and i had no food so i ordered a mini chicken parm plate and a caprese salad.. but to have it delivered i needed to order like $10 worth of things so i got four bottles of water and a can of iced tea. the food wasnt good and i waited to long to eat the chick parm meal so the pasta tasted like shit and all the sauce had already been absorbed. that isnt the mark of a good delivery service!
last night this guy took a bunch of pictures at a party and then gave me his website. i went to it today and it didnt even exist.
i have to take a test for my radio show at 6pm today and i dont feel like studying about "EBS"
thank god tomorrows friday! do you think the restraunt fridays is most packed on a friday?
it took me and my roomate 2 hours to go to walmart to try to get our costumes for halloween, which for me was just getting a piece of fabric that cost $1.12 and took 2 hours to get. there was so much traffic, although im unsure why.
my costume was so amazing. i wore an american apparel black leotard with red fishnets and had a purse basket and a hood and i was little red riding hood. on my back someone painted EAT ME. haha
now im wonder what to do but im too tired to do anything and i want to go outside but its rainy. i just realized ive had 2 videos at my house for about 2 weeks and they're new releases which means $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
my neigbors are so fucking loud. the method of parenting for these kids is the dad in an alcoholic angry rage voice counting, "ONE...TWOO..." id love to see what happens at three. i thinnk when he counts three child services should break down the door and yell "freeze!" or be like "three!" thatd be funny

Monday, October 29, 2007

ummm did jewelery designers run out of ideas?

Penis bone necklace:
http://www.shopdolcevita.com/detail.aspx?ID=237
ummmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Sunday, October 28, 2007

dick in a box

on friday i went to the honolulu academy of arts and there were a bunch of people dressed up in halloween costumes and someone had a box around their waist and it looked like present, so i opened it up to recieve my prize and it was a penis! and then i shut the box and screamed because i was horrified and scared and then i opened it again and said "is that real?" and then it moved.
ew!

Monday, October 22, 2007

Just now

JUst now i was walking into the library at school and im wearing my pink Betsey Johnson tanktop that says, "GUYS <3 B.J." and some creepy guy from like Guam goes "you are a very bold woman" and i shouted "IT'S BETSEY JOHNSON! ITS A DESIGNER!" and then i was like 'i hate this about this shirt' and then some old man with long hair smiled. gross!

Thursday, October 18, 2007

some images

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i miss ny!
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surfer poll awards

$uper

$uper ended up coming to the Resorts show wearing all baby blue with a blue fedora with a feather in it.
Last night i went to Next Door 80's night and woke up with a vintage Dior eye patch on my face.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Urban Pacific

Thursday i did a fashion show for LEAH EVANS (www.myspace.com/leahevansapparel)
and here are some shots!
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her designs are awesome!!! go to www.myspace.com/leahevansapparel

Saturday, October 13, 2007

email from my mom

Your super Pimp story was interesting, but you better not encourage that Pimpster. He could turn crazy eyed killer on you. and don't be burning or popping anything with him. You would be in trouble if you were drinking and passed out in his company. You are not trailer trash!
Seriously chelsea, don't make me worry about you all the time.
love,
mom

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

Your friendly neighborhood Super Pimp

There's this guy who lives upstairs in my complex who strikingly resembles what a "moder day pimp" should look like. Alligator skin booties, nice dress shirts and stunner shades in the evenings; fitteds and matching jumpsuits in the daytime. And ALWAYS rockin that gericurl.

So me and my roomate just got back from the beach and we're walking into our house when he pops up out of nowhere and says to me, "ya'll pop X?" Then he gave us a pill and goes, "why dont'ch'a'll try that out fo' free 'n tell me what'ch'a'll think..." then he left. We locked the door and hysterically laughed.

Later that evening, around 9pm he popped up again when I got off work.
SUPER: "Ya'll look nice...where you commin from?"
ME: "I just got off work."
SUPER: "hmmmmmmmmmm..........."
ME: "Um... are you a pimp?"
SUPER: "hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm...."
ME: "Wanna burn one?"
SUPER: "i'll be ova in a lil bit......."

He came over an hour later freshly showered, but was sweating up a storm. I gave him a paper towel, a glass of water, and we put the fan on him. He also requested we open the window. I cracked it.

ME: "Are you a pimp?"
SUPER: "....yes."
ME: "I knew it!!"
SUPER: "You and me, i think we could make a real good team. I'll buy you whatever you want. I deal wit all dem niggas.... two $hort, jada, jack nicholson...."
ME: "I want a Dior Purse!"
SUPER: "Yeh, i'll get you that. Get allllllllllllll the purses you want. Even get you a baby Jag or a baby Benz. i'll buy you condos aaaaaaaaaaalllllllllll over the world...miami, vegas... be gettin you those Minks too, keepin yoou warm"
ME: "But it's too hot for a mink here..."
SUPER: "But ya'll said you was from Ny."
ME: "Where are you from?"
SUPER: "Memphis."
ME: "Why are you called Super?"
SUPER: "Because i'm the SuperBowl pimp"

Sunday, October 7, 2007

this isnt a yacht party!!

last night i went on what i thought was going to be an amazing yacht party, but turned out to be a nauseating, marine involved, gross keg beer-kind of experience. we were invited from some girl from UH and on the ride there, i had a strange feeling and asked, "are the guys who invited you in the...military?" "yes!" she replied. i immediately squeezed my roomates arm as a look of fear grew over our faces.. nooooooooooooo!!! we arrived and there was a good amount of pple i knew which was ok, but the beer was gross, the people were lame and the boat would not stop rocking!!! it was making me so nauseous i couldnt stand it and wouldnt shut up about how bad it was. i got the first ride back to land and was sound asleep in my ac by 2 am....
boats blow

Saturday, October 6, 2007

panda bear cries

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2007/10/05/peacock.attacks.car.itn

sounds like me

blue peacock attacks cars

http://www.cnn.com/video/#/video/offbeat/2007/10/05/peacock.attacks.car.itn

Monday, October 1, 2007

cnn disses brit

After her September 9 "comeback" performance on the MTV Video Music Awards, critics derided her singing and dancing as lackluster and said she appeared overweight in her sequined two-piece costume.

Sunday, September 30, 2007

my birthday party

last night i had my birthday party at my friend jeffs. i only expereience about one hour of it. why? because i had like 7 shots of vodka in less than an hour and didnt eat dinner! ahhhhhh my mistake. well, im not sure what went on between my last shot, and waking up in a bed to a bunch of cops and EMS around me... but something tells me it involved the reason why my hair smelled like throw up. so the cops came at 12 and i was lying in the bed and there were like 5 cops and ems and they thought i had to go to the hospital, which i didnt, so i convinced them i didnt with answering these three questions:

COP: do you know your name?
me: mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
COP: do you know your name?
me: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh....... chelsea!
COP: do you know where you are?
me: 141 kalana way!
COP: do you know what day it is?
me: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
ITS FUCKIN SATURDAY!

and then they were all like "ok!" and left. then i went to sleep or something and woke up with the worst hangover ever!!!
ive been lying in bed all day watching movies on comedy central: malibus most wanted, office space
and trying to eat a pizza i ordered that is too chewy!
tomororw is my birthday!
what will happen this time

Thursday, September 27, 2007

i laughed out loud for like 3 minutes

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p.s.

the picture below for my party invite was taken when i got roofied at a club and was totally unconscious about one minute after, throwing up and blacking out. but i had the suave to pose for a minute.
thats hot

my party saturday!!!

come fools

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Tuesday, September 25, 2007

resorts show

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me on the tambo bitches

whats been going on in my life!

last night i went to the Resorts show @ on stage, which starred nooner, toonz, slosh wang and christ baby. it was fun. i split 2 pitchers with courtney, got a free jager bomb and guest appeared in the show and played the tambourine. i felt like nico! no, i didnt. because my hair isnt blonde. but... after i went to DJ and i was really faded and kept making a bunch of stupid mistakes which was bad! oh well. then today i went to class really exhausted, where we watched Run Lola Run, and then i went to work @ my new job... Nobu! i thought we got free food, and they make lunch everyday for all the employees, but the lunch was actually really nasty and wasn't even nobu food! it was like gross plate lunch hawaaiian kine brah and ho cuz i just like have one scoop of white rice and one salad. then the chef walked in the backroom with a naked, shaved, chicken with its head on and started laughing and the manager was like dancing around it and i thought to myself, "i thought nobu was more of a quiet, japanese zen feeling..." those crazy hawaiian brahdas! then after work i went to my new favorite store, Ben Franklin crafts to buy more supplies! i love arts and crafts now. im going to make some more of my new amazingly underground famous collages, a hello kitty pillowcase with ice cream cone button detailing... and whatever i can use with my new assortment of glitter and stickers!
now im going to go to a pilates class @ the gym. then im going to take like 3 somas, eat soup and watch Pollock!

Sunday, September 23, 2007

just another day @ the pool

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some vids


this is my fave vid from ryan scheckler. i met him @ the surfer poll awards this year and said, "you're my favorite skater. i love you in almost there round three video when you jump off the building" and then he hugged me. now he sold out to mtv and doesnt hang with his lil bro. boo!


david blaine street magic spoof

the sequel

Saturday, September 22, 2007

last night i drank like 20 shots of rum

Last night i got really drunk. i drank like 20 shots of dark rum. it was disgusting. then i ended up naked in a hot tub, then i ended up crying hysterically and beating up my boyfriend. then this morning he broke up with me.

then i looked at my phone at had 20 txt msg's from some producer whos trying to fly me out to vegas. and this is what was said:

msg 1: haven't forgot about you... working out our shoot schedule. ill call you tomrorrow at noon la time. what are you wearing right now...haa....

msg 2: come over now. im booking a flight tomorrow (sat) thru monday. vegas is cheesy and i meed you here to class and sex it up. seriously this place wld be a

msg 3: gold mine for a hot, sassy, sexy and naturally fashionable horny soon to be 20 yr old like yourself. pack you plane leaves at noon.

msg 4: ill bought you a birthday present... im bad at keeping suprises... its an el camino car.. red and it has spray paint tattoo on the side that says... sassy bit

msg 5: ch!

msg 6: ive named it... the car. its name is Juan (nickname: saso). but its your car once you come here and claim it and then you can change the name if you want...

msg 7: seriously... vegas is sexy and sinful but its anticlimatic b/c its all douche bag tourists for the most part so most everything is half assed here... and borin

msg 8: g. come help vegas be cool and live up to its sinful and badass rep. i have a heated pool and tennis courts at my hotel... ha

msg 9: what time is it at pipeline? sorry if im waking you. talk pidgen to me its sexy

msg 10: what are you wearing? im wearing leather chaps and a western shirt with bolo tie and clear heels

msg 11: just kidding im wearing a pair of jeans and all my jail tattoos... im covered from my shoulders down.

msg 12: jail tats are serious buisness. i grew up on the streets breakdancing and boxing. i carried a 9mm handgun (gat) in my waist band to 3rd grade. i reserved

msg 13: to only use it when a kid would talk back and most times pull out a handgun, ak47 or shotgun and shoot at him just barely missing and then laugh at how silly

msg 14: he looked dancing around, dodging bullets with the grace of justin timerlskes dance moves. goodnight.. thats my random imaginary scene for you..take a

msg 15: pic of yourself and email it to me... not for some weird perverted reason but b/c i need art work on the walls of my hotel room. i married a stripped tonight...

msg 16: but we dont get along i think we r gonna get it enulled tomorrow unless i fall for her while gambling at Bellagio tomorrow...byyyyyyeeeee im drunk and bored...

msg 17: i make up half fiction and half factual stories when im bored, drunk, and wanting to see you... i think your 29 instead of 19 tho. u dont look it but you have a

msg 18: confident personality that most people dont even have in their 30s. and you have nice hair and eyes and...

msg 19: wow i just read all the texts i sent.. i get excited someitmes and like to say whatever is at the tip of my tongue. lk being shipped of to iraq on tues... u

msg 20: should come visit tomorrow-mon before i go. its dangerous over there.. but thats how i live. word.




i replied: i dont play tennis

Friday, September 21, 2007

bear hair!

one of drew toonz new cartoons!

check him out www.drewtoonz.tv for more!!! and buy a surf skool dvd!

my new favorite commerical

history lesson

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my name
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christmas tree '06
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shore club during summer '07
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my friend alex and i, when she visited me in hawaii!

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MY NEWLY ENGAGED FRIEND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1

Messing Around

I was at my friend Rutger's house and got really blazed and someone had Im'd him. i decided to mess with her. i play orez0087 and liloldmeeh93 is some girl he's friends with
------------------------------------------------------

LiLoLdMeeH93: hey!
Orez0087: hey!
LiLoLdMeeH93: whats up haven't heard or seen you for a while
Orez0087: ive been busy
Orez0087: what about you girlfren'
LiLoLdMeeH93: school work and dancing thats all.... i sold my truck =(
Orez0087: what you dancing to
LiLoLdMeeH93: well i have been swing dancing.... it is fun....
Orez0087: you really love hobbies
Orez0087: i respect that
LiLoLdMeeH93: you know me gotta keep busy and learn new things....
Orez0087: i can teach you a few things
LiLoLdMeeH93: sure.... like what....
Orez0087: ;-)
LiLoLdMeeH93: hey!!!!! LOL...
Orez0087: tofl
Orez0087: *rofl
LiLoLdMeeH93: i was wondering..... LMAO
Orez0087: LOLOLOLOLLOL
LiLoLdMeeH93: i think i am quite good in that category thank you
Orez0087: MMMMMMMHMMMMMMMM
Orez0087: well
LiLoLdMeeH93: he he he
Orez0087: do you bb
LiLoLdMeeH93: bb?
Orez0087: i thought you knew every catagory
LiLoLdMeeH93: well not abbreviations
Orez0087: you should learn
Orez0087: im out
LiLoLdMeeH93: huh?
Orez0087: 1
LiLoLdMeeH93: stopconfusing me
Orez0087: peace mami
LiLoLdMeeH93: jya~
Orez0087: bye bye
LiLoLdMeeH93: bai bai
LiLoLdMeeH93: what is bb
Orez0087: learn a new thing
LiLoLdMeeH93: so tell me

Roys

Last night, my friend Jeff and his father (who is visiting from Saudi) took my roomate (roxanna) and i out to Roy's Waikiki for dinner.
jeff stumbled on the time of the reservation through several text msg's and finally made me laugh with this one:

jeff's text: SORRY I'm higher than courtney love circa early 2000, 630 pm reservations for sure most def.

It was delicous. Since i was the only one with an ID, me and Jeff's father got wasted off three very nice glasses of Australian Shiraz. then i feasted on yellowtail hamachi sashimi, crab cakes, and chocolate soufle. it was... amazing. then his father went on to tell many stories of his travels all over the world, and had startled the whole table with one in particular.
he had gone to a buddhist temple in hawaii years ago, and asked a master "where am i going in life" from which the master replied "you have to know where you began" and gave him directions to a monestary in thailand for the answer. jeff's father traveled to thailand shortly after in search of this master, and found him after looking all over and had a long conversation and discovered that the master had been his father in a past life! then, he said he'd be back and jeff's father went to have lunch, and went looking for his new master-daddy and then was told by all of the monks this particular master died over ten years ago!
i wonder who my cat, tom, was in a past life:
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i think this picture might give me an idea...

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

leave britney alone!

They tried to make me drink rehab, i said yes yes yes!

I was just doing my homework in between classes and decided to drink this can of Rehab i've had stashed in my refridgerator for over a week. At first, it didn't taste amazing, and Red Bull was still better in my mind, and i went on to doing my homework. Before i could realize i was almost done with the can, i was more alert than when i had taken adderall to study for my high school midterms!
Rehab is awesome!


quick fire of a quick fix for those exhausted students!

Tuesday, September 18, 2007

sex and the city is funny

Samantha: "Lesbian...it's just a label...like Gucci or Versace"
Carrie: "Or Birkenstock"