Saturday, September 13, 2008

match.com messages

i joined match.com like three weeks ago. why? i dont fucking know. why does a 20 year old normal girl need to be on it? its not like i just got out of a marriage and im 45 and depressed all the time at home drinking a glass of wine flipping through a bed, bath and beyond catalogue and circling what i want. but i guess i am a currious little kitten and wanted to see what the people were like. did i have intentions of finding my match? no. did i think i was going to meet someone hot? maybe. did i? no. one thing i did get out of it are hilarious messages. hilarious in the way that i find it funny that some old 59 year old guy on the upper west side thinks i would meet him for coffee or even go out to dinner. maybe none of these are funny, and its just mean im making fun of it. but lets just consider it as a social experiement and this was my result:
WARNING: these are all true names of the people. some msgs are long. no pictures were used in the making of this blog........ although i probably should have.
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TALLDRKHANDSOMET
Date Received: September 12
Subject: Girl you are way to HOT to be on a dating site!!!

TALLDRKHANDSOMET
50-year-old man
Cashiers, NC, US
Seeking: Women 26-46

You are a very cute very sexy young girl! I really can't imagine you have any trouble hooking up with guys after seeing you in that green dress you have nice curves and great legs to compliment that very pretty face!!!!

Your friendly neighborhood 10-S-Pro
Terry

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From: BC_Jerz77
Date Received: September 11
Subject: well, hello there, mam


BC_Jerz77

25-year-old man
New York, NY, US
Seeking: Women 18-33


hi there. ok, i just signed up for this thing, prior to this point i think i just had "wink" privileges. i guess that's how they suck you into actually shelling out $40 for a month. kinda like how they give out free food at costco and then you eventually end up buying and eating bubba burgers for three weeks straight. i hope this goes over better than my whole bubba burger experience. i think i still have a few lying around in my fridge. yuck city.

i am not really certain how this really works, since as i said i was really not aware that i had no other privileges, thus rendering a freebie membership worthless if you want to have a conversation with words instead of winks. although i bet you could figure out some kinda morse code winking system of talking to someone.

anyways, i have resorted to signing up for this because i have lost all hope in the bar scene, and frankly am getting kind of sick of it. seems like 90% of the time you meet mainly terrible people.

well, i am going to cut myself off before this turns into a 1,000 word admissions essay size letter. here is a little about me, in case you'd care. i am 25, originally from northern nj, used to work for an investment bank (got laid off recently like the other 50% of people in finance, kinda sucky, but i am getting paid to exercise intensely everyday), am in the process of applying for grad school, live uptown (not harlem). interests include: kittens, white fluffy things, the hasselcastle, and yellow mock turtle necks. i am kidding. i really dont know. i like normal things, going out to eat, cycling, the gym, reading, etc.

ok, now i am done with the dissertation. if you wanna get together for a drink or food that'd be lovely. talk to you soon.

Chris

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From: BelloTuscano
Date Received: September 11
Subject: (none)

BelloTuscano
32-year-old man
New York, NY, US

Seeking: Women 18-35


Am interested.

More about me am attorney, live alone in my own apartment in NYC (would you be willing to travel to see me?) in Greenwich village on border of Soho, speak Italian and Portuguese (Brazilian as served a volunteer in brazil), have doctorate and finishing another degree at moment (master's in finance/real estate development), about 5'8-9", slim build, Italian American, favorite foods - sushi/chocolate souffle (not at same sitting; just learned how to make souffle from french chef friend actually), last place traveled to was Mexico (for business) and Rome (for pleasure/business) before that. Have to go to Paris next week. Best physical feature that can be said in polite company would be my eyes or smile. Free for Coffee this weekend?

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From: mjmwild
Date Received: September 12
Subject: I feel like...

mjmwild

34-year-old man
New York, NY, US

Seeking: Women 23-31


...you need to eat something. You're gorg, but are you getting enough to eat? ;-)
MATT

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From: gentlemancaller8
Date Received: September 9
Subject: THE START OF SOMETHING?

gentlemancaller8

31-year-old man
Wayne, NJ, US
Seeking: Women 20-37

I have to say, your profile was definitely worth the read. I really like your positive outlook on life, the active lifestyle you choose to lead & the confidence you exude. You're also sultry, sexy and you have the face of an angel, intertwined with a classic girl next door aura about you. It certainly proves to be an intriguing dichotomy to say the least. That being said, feel free to drop me a line when you get a chance and we'll chat...

- Dave
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From: ralphwaldo2000
Date Received: September 9
Subject: A compliment for a lovely lady
ralphwaldo2000

57-year-old man
Great Falls, VA, US
Seeking: Women 21-62


It's a far different experience reading your profile than the norm. Your feet seem so firmly planted on terra firma. You appear to be bright and cheerful and willing to stick your toe into new and exciting waters. I like curiosity in a person, and of course you are just lovely.

I am a cheerful, fit, fun, thoughtful, and emotionally well adjusted man. I take each day on its own merits. There is always something new to discover and a new path to follow wherever it might lead. I am a curious traveler, an innovative cook, a man whose talents are now given to writing fiction and whose favorite physical activities are tennis, hiking, biking, and gardening. Toss in a trip to a museum, the theater opera and you start to get a clear picture of the man behind the keyboard in cyberspace.

There is an age gap between us. However, somehow, a little voice tells me that you march to your own drummer; that you might be someone who is inclined toward living her life a little out of the ordinary box and be interested in developing a friendship with an older man.

So...please do review my profile and if the spirit moves you, I'd love to hear back from you.

Ciao bella,

Steve
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From: jdaddy08
Date Received: September 13
Subject: US


jdaddy08

22-year-old man
Great Notch, NJ, US
Seeking: Women 18-22

Hey how are you doing first off I have to say that you are a gourgous woman. Now my name is Joe and I am 22 years old from Little Falls. I currently work as a boss at an auto auction in Fairfield and I am also going to Bergen. I consider myself to be a very easy going person and I feel that I am motivated with set goals and have a great personality. I also feel that I am a caring and respectable man who is caring and at times can be humorous. First off let me just say that after reading your facts I feel that you are interesting. I consider myself to be a family man where once a family beings to know me and see my personality they will accept me as the new member. I would never cheat on anyone just to let you know that I would be commited to you and that you can trust me. Therefore I am honest and caring. I consider myself to be a very easy going person and I am also up for doing anything. And I would like to take you out to eat or go for a drink to get to know each other if you want to. Please dont be shy to call or text me my number is (973) 789 - 5128 looking foward to hearing from you. THE BOTTOM LINE IS THAT I THINK I AM THE MAN THAT YOUR SEARCHING FOR TRY ME OUT.

Joe

1 comment:

JeremyJ said...

okay...some of these are funny...the creepy old men stand out...but some of these guys sound legit....